What am I pretending not to know? It really is the right time for me to ask myself this question. I have experienced walking on eggshells communicating with one of my business friends for the last three months. At first I took this opportunity to practice my communication with kindness; and with my intention that I shall make our friendship better. Several times I got trapped dancing with her emotions. Persistently practicing the law of forgiveness and Mental Diet helped me to become more serene and compassionate, but no matter what I did, it did not seem to help our communication. I felt uncomfortable that I couldn’t express my thoughts and be myself.
Yesterday I experienced a big bomb – unhealthy communication, yelling again. “When the creative power of thought is manifested in a destructive or evil manner, we call the result evil.” (Week 20- intro) But I was able to apply this promise “to give the kindness and love consciously with every encounter, regardless of brevity.” I was able to help her calm down before we ended our talking and continued our work.
I have reviewed the situation and I asked myself what shall I do next? I came across KuteBlackson’s blog. He asked “Is it about the unfulfilling relationship you are currently in, that you convince yourself you don’t know what to do about it because getting clear would mean leaving?”
It is exactly that I am pretending not to know my pattern of being afraid to leave. In the past I was lack of confidence to leave and I sacrificed my own happiness to others’ needs. It is a good time to change. This is what I would like to have happen for my life: I would like to be around happy, kind and healthy people. I can help only people who are open to change.
“Highsight is always 20/20, but owning your knowing in the moment is power. Our minds are masterful at avoiding, rationalizing, and manipulating what we don’t want to know, and money, relationships, and directions are just the beginning. To know what you know, stop right now, close your eyes, get quiet, and ask, not your ego, critic, or expert self, but your authentic, honest, most vulnerable self: What am I pretending not to know?.” (http://dianesieg.com)